Saying Goodbye to Luana

Posted October 6, 2019 by shooting in Personal / 40 Comments


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If you follow me on social media, then you might already know this, but last Sunday (September 29), we had to put my dog to sleep. You’ve probably seen photos of Luana on my Instagram. We got her when she was a few months old and she would have turned 17 this December. I know that she had a long, really great life, but it doesn’t make being without her any easier.

Luana has been here for the majority of my life. She was my baby and I always referred to her as a “puppy” even as she got older and slowed down.

We knew it was coming. I just wish I’d had more time. The plan was that I would be with her when it was time to say goodbye (because nobody else felt like they could do it), but unfortunately, I was in Florida with my mom. My sister and dad took her and my sister put my mom and I on Facetime so we could “be there.” We’re pretty sure she had a seizure that afternoon (and before that, the vet was fairly positive she had a brain tumor, which is why we knew we’d be saying goodbye soon). My sister came to the house after the fact, and my mom and I saw Luana one last time at home via Facetime. She was laying on her bed, my sister petting her, and I tried to tell her everything would be okay through my tears. I think the most heartbreaking part was that she started to make these yelping/crying sounds at one point – she didn’t move, and her eyes never closed, and it was all so surreal.

My sister Facetimed again once they were at the emergency vet. It didn’t take long, and I know it was quick and painless for her, but man, my heart was breaking. And I hated that I wasn’t there. Coming home last week wasn’t any easier though. I started crying almost as soon as I walked in the door, with her bed not there and nobody coming to greet us. It’s been a week now, and it’s not any easier. I keep expecting to see or hear her, and I know it’s going to be painful for awhile. Audrey from Life as Louise lost one of her dogs, Lylee, a week ago too, and one of the things she wrote had me agreeing 100%: I’m not kidding when I say every single thing in our house reminds me of her and has some Lylee story connected to it. Living without her sucks.

That’s it. That’s how I feel. And it sucks so so much.

I plan on doing another post sometime soon where I talk about my memories of Luana and all the things I loved about her, but I think I’m a bit emotionally tapped out right now, so I’m going to end this post here.

Along with Audrey’s Lylee, another friend of mine lost her dog, Lucie, this past week. Three doggies with L names. They’re up there playing with each other, I’m sure.

40 responses to “Saying Goodbye to Luana

  1. I am so so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is one of the most devastating things we ever have to go through. I shed a few tears due to your heartfelt post.

    I will be thinking of you.

  2. Your loss makes me so sad. It’s the sharpest pain to lose such a pure soul. I hate going through it and I hate that it’s a guaranteed emotion for other pet parents and siblings. Luana sounds like such a sweetie. Ly was making sad sounds by the time we got her to the ER so I know exactly how your heart was feeling. Seeing them in pain is completely torture. You gave Luana the BEST life and I’m absolutely sure she knows how much she was loved. Lylee was a loud dog but her absence is louder. I’m waiting for that torture to lessen, too <3

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember when we had to put our dog to sleep when I was a kid. She seemed to know, she kept going from one of us to the other so we could pet her. It was so sad.

  4. Our animal companions deserve (and we need!) mourning too. Give yourself time to appreciate her time with you, and don’t rush the healing. I’m so, so sorry for your loss!

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss – it must be so difficult especially as she was such a big part of your life for so long.
    Thinking of you and your family.

  6. Oh Lauren. That must have been so sad not being able to be there but I’m glad you at least had the Facetime option.

    That sounds like what happened to my Indy late last year. He was 16 and mostly deaf and going blind so we knew it was coming soon but one morning he was just pacing and bumping into everything and had a seizure and we knew it was time. My vet thought tumor too.

    You know how much you love them, of course, but the void! It’s so much bigger than you even think after they’re gone. Even simple routines or glancing over to where they used to sleep. Everything is so empty.

    I’m just so sorry. {{hugs}}

    Karen @ For What It’s Worth

  7. Sending you so much love, it is so hard to say goodbye to our pets. I’ve been there and it is not easy. Take as much time as you need to grieve and be gentle with yourself. Hugs.

  8. What a darling pup. I always called my dogs pups, too. I am so sorry for your loss. Luana last hours sound very much like the last hours of my pup Cici. We think she had a stroke while being groomed and probably went blind, and then it was quickly down hill from there. I didn’t get to say goodbye, which broke my heart even more. Please do share a post of all of the happy memories…maybe for Luana’s birthday in December? I truly believe she is still with you in spirit and knows how much you love her.

    Leslie Susan Clingan recently posted: World Through My Lens, 09.2019
    • shooting

      Thank you, Leslie. I like to think that too. It’s been tough, and I miss her everyday, but I know she’s no longer in pain at least.

    • shooting

      Thanks, Dani. I’m sorry about your dog – it’s just devastating, but I know they’re no longer in pain.

  9. Jen

    Oh no, oh no, I am so sorry. When we had to do this for our Zoe it was heart breaking. Lots of love to you and your family as you heal from this loss.

  10. Losing a pet is the absolute worst. I remember I had a dog named Willie and in high school he had to be put down. I kind of thought it was coming, but my dad took him to the vet when I was at school and when I came home and saw his leash and collar on the table? I LOST IT. I was so angry my parents didn’t let me be there and to this day I get upset about it. And even just a few years ago (maybe like 7 or 8??) we had to put our cat Lenny down. He got really ill and he was in pain so I knew we had to but Matt and I were both there and it was just the saddest because he nuzzled my face and put his paw on my hand right before and I just felt like the biggest piece of shit. We ended up burying him under our apple tree and Olivia/Jackson were little still and TO THIS DAY, they will say heaven is under an apple tree. Breaks my heart every time.

    Sara recently posted: Book Review: Invisible As Air
    • shooting

      I’m so sorry about Willie and Lenny! Those are just heartbreaking stories, but it was the right thing, especially concerning Lenny. It’s hard though. Thank you.

  11. Aw Lauren, I’m so sorry to hear this! Losing your pet – especially after 17 years! – hurts just like losing a member of your family because they ARE a member of your family and you should take whatever time is needed to mourn her. Learning to live without them there is so hard… Sending you lots of love.

  12. Oh my sweet Lauren. My heart aches for you and your loss. There is never enough time and they give is so much love in the short time they are here and ugh. I’m so sorry you couldn’t be there with her in person but know that she felt you there and that you comforted her as she took her last breath. She will forever be grateful for that, I assure you, I still talk to buster sometimes. It’ll be a year in January and the loss is sometimes still so raw and painful, but I know he hears me and that he looks out for us.

    I’m sending all my love to you and your family during this time ❤️❤️❤️

    • shooting

      Thank you, Charlotte. I know you understand what it’s like, and this means a lot. It’s been hard, and I know it always kind of will be, but I’m glad she’s not in pain anymore.

  13. I’m so, so sorry for your loss! It’s so hard getting used to being without them, especially after so long, they really are a part of the family. I hope you’re doing OK!

    • shooting

      Thank you, Chiara. I’m glad I was “there” on Facetime, but it’s definitely been rough. I miss her all the time.

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