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If you follow me on social media, then you might already know this, but last Sunday (September 29), we had to put my dog to sleep. You’ve probably seen photos of Luana on my Instagram. We got her when she was a few months old and she would have turned 17 this December. I know that she had a long, really great life, but it doesn’t make being without her any easier.
Luana has been here for the majority of my life. She was my baby and I always referred to her as a “puppy” even as she got older and slowed down.
We knew it was coming. I just wish I’d had more time. The plan was that I would be with her when it was time to say goodbye (because nobody else felt like they could do it), but unfortunately, I was in Florida with my mom. My sister and dad took her and my sister put my mom and I on Facetime so we could “be there.” We’re pretty sure she had a seizure that afternoon (and before that, the vet was fairly positive she had a brain tumor, which is why we knew we’d be saying goodbye soon). My sister came to the house after the fact, and my mom and I saw Luana one last time at home via Facetime. She was laying on her bed, my sister petting her, and I tried to tell her everything would be okay through my tears. I think the most heartbreaking part was that she started to make these yelping/crying sounds at one point – she didn’t move, and her eyes never closed, and it was all so surreal.
My sister Facetimed again once they were at the emergency vet. It didn’t take long, and I know it was quick and painless for her, but man, my heart was breaking. And I hated that I wasn’t there. Coming home last week wasn’t any easier though. I started crying almost as soon as I walked in the door, with her bed not there and nobody coming to greet us. It’s been a week now, and it’s not any easier. I keep expecting to see or hear her, and I know it’s going to be painful for awhile. Audrey from Life as Louise lost one of her dogs, Lylee, a week ago too, and one of the things she wrote had me agreeing 100%: I’m not kidding when I say every single thing in our house reminds me of her and has some Lylee story connected to it. Living without her sucks.
That’s it. That’s how I feel. And it sucks so so much.
I plan on doing another post sometime soon where I talk about my memories of Luana and all the things I loved about her, but I think I’m a bit emotionally tapped out right now, so I’m going to end this post here.
Along with Audrey’s Lylee, another friend of mine lost her dog, Lucie, this past week. Three doggies with L names. They’re up there playing with each other, I’m sure.